I know it might sound strange to some to document a journey into a placed of what, for now, seems like darkness, full of dread and fear. Is darkness really that tangible as to be a place to travel to, you might be asking yourself about now. I understand. I believe it is. Darkness, or in this particular instance, not knowing (thus creating a sense of being lost in the dark) is a very very tangible place in which I am stuck pausing until...but wait, maybe I should back up and start from the beginning to avoid any further confusion of what I am so desperately needing to explain to someone, even if it is just telling it to the eternal abyss of cyberspace. And so my most recent journey with dread and fear begins...
It is back in September when I really started not feeling well. In reality, there were two issues going on that seem completely unrelated to each other. The first, and at the time, seeming to be more pressing issue was severe abdominal pain, nausea, bloating and constipation, but I figured what else is new considering I am usually constipated after having had my gastric bypass surgery. If it gets really bad I take a laxative or enema (yeah, ooh gross, I know) to fix the problem and life goes on as usual. Unfortunately that did not turn out to be the case this time. It was a painful, bloody mess (I know, TMI) and my abdomen continued to hurt. Eventually the pain got so severe that I had to go to the local ER.
The trip to the ER was no fun. I had my daughters with me for the weekend and my husband Gary was at work so we were at the house by ourselves. I had called Kaiser's advice nurse once and was told to come into the ER because of my abdominal pain already. The girls and I made it out to the car. I opened the door to get in and got a surge of pain so severe that I was doubled over and in tears. My oldest daughter Maggie had to help me get into the car so I didn't fall down. After I am in the car I put my feet on the dashboard because that is the only position that is comfortable and ask Maggie to get me the phone from the house because I don't think I can drive all the way to Sacramento to Kaiser's ER from Pollock Pines so I want to get permission from the advice nurse to call 911. That was a big mistake! The advice nurse I talked to made it very clear they did not provide transportation services and if I felt the need to call 911 I would probably have to pay for the ambulance services. Of course, nobody is listening to me when I try to tell them that I have a previous history of a blocked intestine. But what do I know, I am just the patient, right? I, not so politely, get off the phone with the advice nurse and manage to safely get the three of us down the freeway to Placerville, with both my daughters worrying about me in the back seat.
When we reach Placerville, we are suddenly stuck in a massive traffic jam of cars going nowhere on the highway on a mid-Sunday afternoon. Fortunately for me, there is a freeway off ramp available so I am not stuck in the cacophony of cars lining up in front and behind me on the road. I inform the girls that we are taking this opportunity to get off the freeway while the getting is good. I tell the girls we are going to Marshall Hospital instead, which is, thankfully, just a few miles away, which Kaiser will just have to pay for because I am in too much pain to wait in traffic.
At this point, I need to call my ex-husband to let him know the change in plans so that he can pick our daughters up at the new hospital to take them back home. Of course, as I am stressing out and in pain, the cell phone is wigging out as well. But we arrive at the hospital within a matter of minutes and the staff immediately whisk me back to a room leaving my 12 and 14 year old daughters sitting in the waiting room alone. Not good, but when I asked the nurse if my girls could both come back to see me she stated that the hospital had a one visitor per patient policy. I tried to explain to her that I only get to see them on the 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends of the month but still she wouldn't budge. Finally, in tears, I told her their ages and she softened her hard stance and brought them both back to see me.
Can I just say that I am not a big fan of needles? I can tolerate phlebotomy needles, but IV needles are the worst. My body does not like them and stages a formal protest any time an IV needle gets within a 3 feet range. It seems like my veins either roll away, hide after the nurse is sure s/he has found the vein, or better yet, the nurse will be over confident and use a large gauge needle and blow the vein entirely. Great fun if you don't mind getting poked 2 or more times with an IV needle and probed until they have decided they can't find your vein. But I digress.
Amazingly it only took them two pokes to get the IV in. Then I get to drink this orange Tang flavored dye so they can run a CT scan which proved to be inconclusive. In the meantime my daughters had left with their dad and my dear, sweet husband came to see me after he got off work and promptly fell asleep.
Yes. I said fell asleep. From sheer exhaustion. Too much stress, too many hours at work and not enough sales at work to make it worth his time. But he is very devoted to me. I have to give him that. I actually made him go sleep in his car so he could get some rest.
Oh, I forgot to mention the pain medication the hospital gave me. It was Dilauded. Dilauded works wonders for stopping the abdominal pain thankfully. In the end, the doctors loaded me up wit a variety of pills and sent me home none the wiser about what was wrong with me.
I ended up having to return to the hospital two days later for the same severe abdominal pain again. This time I did make it to Kaiser. X-rays had been taken of my abdomen at an earlier doctor's appointment and found to be unremarkable. Again, I was given Dilauded, patted on the head and told to go home. I have had to see my primary care physician multiple times for repeated abdominal pain/blood issues, been diagnosed and treated for diverticulitis and waited for over two months before hearing from the gastroenterology department just to schedule an appointment. I don't see anyone in the GI department until November 17th. I am feeling frustrated, angry, and ignored, lost in the healthcare system of which I thought I had faith in.
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