There is more to my story. Around the same time my right breast started itching and having some semi-solid, milky discharge from the nipple. I tried to ignore it, but the itching got a little more severe, so I finally had to go see the OB/GYN doctor. She did not seem concerned by what she found in the breast exam. She prescribed some cortisone cream, and she suggested that I might want to go get a baseline mammogram done even though I am only 38 years old. Of course, I put the mammogram off for a few days, slightly afraid of what they might find, but eventually went in a few days later and had it done. The experience wasn't too bad compared to all the horror stories I had heard anyway about how uncomfortable it was supposed to be. Afterwards, I thought that would be the end of it, really. In my innocent naivety I had assumed that the mammogram would come back clear and I would not hear another word. Boy, was I wrong.
October 31, 2011 may stand out as one of the worst days of my life. Obviously it isn't the worst day, but I would say it definitely ranks in the top 5, so far anyway. Nothing can ruin a good day faster than a messenger bearing bad news. My messenger just happened to be a phone call from Kaiser's radiology department.
I was sitting in the Starbuck's in Folsom with my husband Gary, doing research on the computer, chatting, and drinking coffee when my cell phone rang. I answered it as I normally do, identifying myself. The voice on the other end of the line identified who she was and the reason why she was calling. I grabbed a notepad from my briefcase and in all capital letters I write NOT GOOD and showed it to Gary as I finished the conversation, listening to a voice that now sounded a million miles away, telling me one of the worst things I could ever hear. What is that you ask? She told me that my mammogram showed some abnormalities, so they needed to run some more extensive tests to determine if it is breast cancer.
There. I said it. The dreaded "C" word. The often, not so, silent attacker on my dad's side of the family. My dad has had lung cancer, as has his dad. My uncle died from cancer. My dad's mom has had breast and ovarian cancer and several of her brothers and sisters have died from cancer. My sister has had a mammogram done where they found something suspicious and want to do a mammogram every 6 months to keep an eye on it. So I am afraid, very afraid. My world came crashing out from under me and it felt like my oxygen might soon run out. It would be a little over two weeks until my next mammogram. A long time to wait in limbo wondering what cancerous growth, if anything was growing inside me.
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