The Upper & Lower GI-The Results

On December 17th I had to go in for my upper and lower GI. As I had previously posted, I am not a big fan of needles so I asked the nurse to give me a second to breathe, relax, and tell me before she poked me with the I.V. needle, which she did. Normally, my veins run at the sight of the I.V. cart, but the self-hypnosis worked great! The I.V, was successful on the first poke and I even smiled when the nursed poked me because although I knew the needle was going in I didn't feel any pain. That is an awesome experience. Of course, then I was wheeled into a small room filled with 2 wide screen high definition televisions that were attached to the cameras that were going to be going into my intestines. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on your viewpoint, I was not very coherent while the doctor was looking at my lower intestines which would have been a bit painful I guess since she found a polyp and diverticulosis in my colon. Not good things to find if you ask me. Needless to say the doctor burned off the polyp and sent it to be biopsied for cancer. I don't know the results of that biopsy yet but will hopefully find out something soon. I was more coherent, unfortunately, when the doctor went down my throat for the upper GI. In fact, I thought I was going to choke. But here again the self-hypnosis works wonders because as I relaxed the tube went down easier and came out easier so I didn't feel like I was going to choke to death in the process. Fortunately, my stomach was clear of any problems. Now I just need to find out what the doctor wants me to do about the diverticulosis and if the polyp was cancerous and go from there. I know something needs to be done about the diverticulosis, I am just not sure what can be done. I guess I just have to call the doctor and see.

Getting nervous

Two more days until the upper and lower GI. I know I should not be nervous about this as this is something that I have had to go through several times before since I have had my gastric bypass surgery, but I am nervous anyway. Mostly I am afraid of the I.V. needle which to some might seem silly, but I have had my share of bad needle pokes in my life that I have no desire to repeat. The sad part is there is usually a cocky nurse who is sure he or she knows what she is doing (and I am not saying he or she doesn't), who insists on using a large gauge needle on my very picky veins. Veins that shut down at the site of an I.V. cart. It is like my veins go into deep hiding as soon as I am poked with the I.V. To make matters worse, the nurse then proceeds to dig for 5 minutes, sure that the vein is right there when in fact it is usually blown and I am in pain and in tears, nerves on edge from trying to hold still. I must say, that I have gotten better at standing up for myself before the nurse pokes me, in trying to warn them that I need a smaller gauge needle, a warning before he or she pokes to calm my nerves, and then I am able to use self hypnosis to remain completely calm and pain free through the poking process. This makes this a much easier process on me than the previous method and I know that it is easier on the nurses as well because it only takes 1 or 2 pokes to get a viable vein instead of 3 or more. Plus there is no more tears and I am all for that.

I suppose I should also be nervous about being sedated but that part of the procedure doesn't really bother me. As long as I am not feeling any pain I figure I am doing okay. I know there is some slight chance that there could be an overdose of medication and I could die, but that is a very slim chance and not one that I am worried about. I know that this is something that my husband and family is probably more concerned about than I am because I have had a lot of experience with anesthesia having had 20 + surgeries and procedures requiring anesthesia in my life and I have successfully woken up from every one, obviously.

I am nervous about what the doctor is going to find when she goes in there. Although Dr. Balasubramanian claims there is nothing wrong with my stomach, and she is only doing the upper G.I. to please my gastric bypass surgeon, I have a feeling she may get surprised as I have pain in my stomach. But I guess I will have to wait and see. As for what she will find on the other end is anybody's guess as well. I have already been relegated to the IBS category and told I have diverticulitis. I, at this point don't really care what they call it as long as they can do something to stop the pain and discomfort I am almost constantly in.

So today starts  my liquid diet and the prep work for the doctor. I can't say that it will be much fun for me but it is survivable. I can't wait for the experience to be over with along with the hope that they will actually find something that they can treat in the process. Wish me luck.

Needing patience

It has been said that "Patience is a virtue." Unfortunately, it is not a virtue that I have yet obtained. If you have been keeping up with my blog, you know that I have had some relatively serious health issues to deal with which have not made my life easy over the past few months. What you may not have known is that during this time my husband and I have also been looking for employment and have been unable to pay our bills, making life even more hectic than it would be if one or both of us was working. Also, if I had not taken a semester off from school due to my health issues, I would have had money from my student loans to help pay the bills, but it was too much of a struggle for me to wrestle my health issues and the demands of a doctoral program at the same time.

So, why do I need patience, you must be asking yourself at this point, right? Well, I need patience with God's timing. I know that this might be difficult for my atheist friends to hear, but I am talking about my belief system here, so I am using my terminology, so no offense is meant to anyone. I know for me, God is out there, working miracles in people's lives every day. I know this, because I am here. I am alive after a devastating pedestrian motor vehicle accident when I was 9 that killed me on the way to the hospital and left me in a coma for 13 days. I am one of God's miracles. It is just hard to remember that sometimes. It should be easy to remember. Every time I look up at the wall that holds my many diplomas I am reminded that I am one of God's miracles, and I am thankful for that blessing every day of my life, but it gets difficult when I am feeling upset or depressed and not feeling like my usual cheerful self. That is when I need patience the most. Patience with my self. Patience with others, and knowledge that everything will eventually return to "normal" in God's time.

But that is the hardest part for me. I have never been good at waiting. At Christmas time when I was little, I became very good at peeking at my Christmas presents under the tree, I had such a hard time waiting for Christmas day and eventually I would get caught and get into trouble for it. Yet, I digress.

Patience. Why do I need patience? I need patience because I have to wait for everything to fall into place. For the job interviews to start showing up. Which, by the way, they have started to do. I had an interview yesterday with Anka Behavioral Health in Stockton, CA that lasted for an hour and 40 minutes. That seems like a positive sign to me. The only down sides to it are that it only pays $14 an hour and I wouldn't be able to go to school at Alliant University because of the hours. I would have to stay at Argosy University. Also, I have an interview in Chico on December 14th with Northern California Catholic Counseling Services. So things are looking up. I think I just needed to start showing momentum on my part by completing my Alliant application and getting that turned in. I have to show patience, however, in waiting for the results for the decision on that as well. It is such a hard thing for me to have to wait for other people to make up their minds when I want to know right now. Again, patience is a virtue I will have to work on achieving in order to maintain some form of inner peace. I have improved with age, but I am still impatient to a fault. It makes it hard for there to be surprises under the Christmas tree. Oh well.

The Biopsy Results

I must say, I was nervous and scared about the biopsy. I didn't know what was going to happen before I arrived at the appointment. The whole process was a mystery to me, even though I had a basic idea of what was going to be done. It is kind of obvious by the description of the procedure after all. They were going to be sticking needles into my breast to cut out a sample of tissue to see if there was cancer. I don't like needles, so I was terrified. The good news is, I didn't need to be. I didn't feel any discomfort at all, not even a needle prick.

I attribute this to a couple of things. First, I used self-hypnosis to turn down the volume of any sensation in the breast area so that I would not feel any pain (and I should mention, I was watching the needle be inserted on the ultrasound screen). I felt absolutely nothing, no pressure, no sensation whatsoever. It was also helpful that the doctor let me talk and ask questions about the procedure as he was working so I felt at ease with what was going on and he explained each part of the procedure before doing anything. This was a completely different experience than the last time I had to have the ultrasound done, because I felt heard and supported through the whole process, which is a big improvement.

The doctor did a total of 3 biopsies on the 3 cysts on my left breast. It was kind of fascinating to watch the whole process on the ultrasound screen. Very much a surreal experience, like I was looking at somebody else's body being worked on instead of my own because I wasn't feeling anything due to the self-hypnosis and the local anesthetic the doctor had injected before using the biopsy needles. After the doctor was done with each biopsy he inserted a tiny metal marker by each spot so that each time I get a mammogram from now on they can keep an eye on any changes in that area.

Yesterday, Thusday, December 1, I got the best news in the world. The radiologist called and said there was no sign of cancer! I was relieved, to say the least. I will now have to get a mammogram every year for follow-up, however,  because of the cancer history in my family. I must say, I am impressed that Kaiser jumped on the ball in getting me evaluated for cancer so quickly after an abnormal mammogram. I am a definite proponent for early mammograms if there is a cancer history in a woman's family.

Now, I just have to wait until December 13 to find out what is going on with my stomach/abdomen. The one area where I really do not feel like I am being heard by the doctor. I will have to work on finding a way to get my voice heard with the GI doctor in the following 9 days. Wish me luck.